meatpaddy.net

According to a customer on Friday night, I am an arrogant waiter. Perhaps it’s just my arrogance, but I’d like to contest her opinion…

As I was talking to a table about desert wines and clearing the rest of the shit off their table, I begin to feel an increasingly violent tug on my tail (service cloth) from the Slut-o-saurus on the table behind me. Deciding this is rather rude of her as I’m in mid-conversation with another table, I ignore the tugging and go to fetch current table the full wine list. As I re-approach the current table, El Skanko begins waving her arms. Perhaps I should’ve done the, “I’ll be with you in one minute” thing, but due to her prior rudeness, I decide to only acknowledge her when I’m finished with the current table… Then, over the top of all the restaurant buzz, I hear this; “Can you see the arrogance?!”. I finish with my current table.

…Paddy: ”What can I get you?”

Fishy Scent: ”Can you take our order?!”

Boyfriend of Mole: ”And can we have some more olive oil?!”

Friend of Loosey Goosey: ”And more bread!”

Whorebag: ”We’ve been waiting for ages!”

(Gonna punch her in the head, gonna punch her in the head)

Paddy: ”Certainly, I’ll just grab your waitress who is looking after your table and she’ll be able to help you.”

I walk away from the table as they’re still yelling out requests. Whether they’re fuckwits when they’re sober, god only knows. Other tables were continually turning to see where the loud voices were coming from throughout the night, and every waiter was convinced that someone on their table was the cause of the broken toilet seat we discovered later in the night. 

Maybe I am an arrogant waiter, but I’m not responding to someone tugging me, while I’m at another table from a dirty slag who isn’t even in my section.