My Inappropriate Mother
I’ve decided, after thinking about it for nearly nineteen years, that my mother is highly inappropriate. It’s not the fact that she has a glass of wine poured for me when I get home after uni, work or breakfast. It’s not the fact that she’s told me on numerous occasions to “fuck off” when my question hasn’t reached past “Mum..”. It’s not the fact that she challenges my friends to burping contests. And it’s not even the fact that she still finds it hillarious to write ‘cunt’ instead of ‘can’t’ in text messages (what’s going on?! The C word in two posts in a row!). But it’s because of the emails she sends me, my sister, my cousins and her friends.
Take this one for example. You’d think an email with subject World’s Happiest Couple, would be a nice poem or photo of two 80 somethings in knitted cardigans eating thick soup. When questioned by my cousin’s girlfriend “is that you and your ex-boyfriend?”, my mum’s reply: “if that was my ex-boyfriend I never would have left him!”. Vomit.
But as inappropriate as she is: you’ve gotta love her. I know lots of nice mums, but never one with the wicked [sick, twisted] sense of humour that mine has. I just wish she weren’t so dense. “Hey Paddy, do you think the image has been altered?”. Forgive her, Lord, for she is not as blessed as others.
She’s also developed a sick obsession with Borat. Her text message tone is Borat’s voice belting “You have new text message! Hhhhigh five!”. She also took a life-size cardboard cut-out of Borat from HMV (with the manager’s permission) and carried it around the shopping centre until she was ready to leave. She’s got his books, his DVDs, posters and more. Someone cut her loose!
…anyone willing to challenge the crazy, inappropriate mother story?
10 Comments, Comment or Ping
Jem
My mum whipped out a 3ft rubber double-ended dildo at her 40th birthday “party”. Yeah, that’s about all I got.
(PS. remind me not to visit your blog while I’m at work in the future ;))
Apr 11th, 2008
Paddy
Holy Moses, you win hands down.. I fold.
Apr 11th, 2008
Sarai
Dude, are you kidding?! I’d invite that feisty betch over for super a.s.a.p.
Apr 12th, 2008
Bronnie
LOL your mum sounds awesome!! Good on her! Why have the serious-boring mums of the world? Life gets dull when you get older, got to keep it jazzed up!
LMAO @ the Borat cut out!! I wish I had Borat for my text ring tone
Good to have ya back
Apr 12th, 2008
Paddy
Borat SMS Tone (right/ctrl click to save)
Derka Derka (right/ctrl click to save) - she sent me this one this morning. Fucked if I know where she gets them!
Apr 12th, 2008
Juice
My mom’s a normal cool mom, we’d just probably bitch about everybody (even at church–eeeek).
You’re mom is teh crazy!! I’d love to meet someone like that someday hahaha
and please, the picture OMG.
Apr 12th, 2008
Ade
You mom pwns all moms.
Apr 12th, 2008
Mihoriel
interesting pic…
ADE says it best for me though. Your mom doesn’t even come close to my mom. Mine’s just overprotective but she’s Mexican so that why.
Apr 14th, 2008
Eddy
unfortunatly not an embarrassing mother story
is that picture real?!
coz im just intrigued haha
May 16th, 2008
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